Year of Eastwood #47

Revenge of the Creature (1955)

Starring: the Creature of the Black Lagoon
Directed by Jack Arnold

Clint became a huge star with the release of the Spaghetti Westerns directed by Sergio Leone. Before that Clint followed the usual path of struggling the first few years, working as a fireman, and taking on bit roles in movies and television. Revenge of the Creature is listed as the first film in Clint’s bio - he’s uncredited as a lab assistant - and doesn’t even get to share any screen time with the Creature himself. In fact, his entire performance is included in this clip…



The personality is there. You can almost sense that Clint is resisting the urge to wink at the camera - letting us all know that someday he’ll be the only recognizable bit of this horrible B-movie. I didn’t bother to watch the original Creature from the Black Lagoon, but there doesn’t seem to be much that I missed out on. Creature swims around in murky water of the Amazon. Gets captured by some hunters and taken back to the US, where he is put on display at a Aquarium. Makes googly fish-eyes with a lady. Escapes from the park. Swims in some more murky water. Terrorizes some people. Gets shot. I’m not really even sure what the Creature’s motivation is as a movie monster. He doesn’t eat people. He just seems to be in a bad mood.

Clint was born on May 31, 1930 to Clinton and Margaret Eastwood - weighing in at a whopping 11 ½ lbs. His father was a steelworker who moved his family about frequently to find work. Clint finally settled in Oakland where he graduated high school. Clint attended Los Angeles College but dropped out. He worked various odd jobs and then joined the military. While on leave, his plane crashed into the Pacific Ocean and Clint had to swim 3 miles to shore (take that Chuck Norris). Clint missed out on any military action in Korea, because he was busy as a swim instructor in boot camp. While in the Army, some friends encouraged Clint to pursue acting as a career.

Clint survived a few bit parts in bad movies before his big break. He was a jet pilot in some other horror movie - Tarantula in 1955. And then a year later he seduces Carol Channing in the First Traveling Saleslady (thanks Netflix for denying the world the chance to see that masterpiece).

Clint was dropped by the studio when a bright exec decided that his adam’s apple was too big … I’m sure that guy went on to a successful career. Clint went back to some odd jobs until he was spotted one day by a network exec looking for a young actor for a new TV show, Rawhide … and then Clint was on his way.

Over the years, Clint has given many opportunities to up and coming talent in his own movies. Many of which have been pointed out in this Year of Eastwood … Laura Linney, Lucy Liu, Dennis Hopper, err, Sondra Locke. I’m sure he remembers what a struggle it was for him and how grateful he was to get a shot in the movies … having to share his screen time with a monkey of all things.

Davie's Chuckwagon Diner

Year of Eastwood #46

Breezy (1973)

Starring: William Holden, Kay Lenz
Directed by Eastwood

I can’t quite figure out if Clint likes the hippies or would like to kick em in their bell-bottom wearing behinds. He certainly got lots of mileage out them in the 70’s. Usually busting a bunch of hippie-dippies for smoking dope and maybe smacking a few around before hauling them off to the slammer in the Dirty Harry pics. After all, the hippies represented everything that was going wrong with the great ol’ US of A in the 60’s. What with their psychedelic trips, anti-establishment tirades, and free-loving attitudes … well, I guess Clint kinda liked that last one.

That’s why he directed this May/December romance with the moon glow title character and her braless devil-may-care ways. But man, a lot of that hippy stuff is hard to swallow. Hey, the theme song lyrics … I always keep my pockets filled with pumpkin seeds and time … is just about enough to hit the Eject button in the first couple of minutes.

But there’s something infectious about this movie, namely Breezy herself. What middle-aged man wouldn’t want some free spirit gal showing up at his door, offering nothing more than a few tunes on her guitar and a smile? Not William Holden, that’s for sure. He tries to scoff away Breezy at first with his button-up, three piece suit ways. But Breezy hasn’t been hitchin’ half way across the country just to give up that easy. Nope, nothing would please her more than some old man to completely squash her lifestyle into some suburban homemaker. Dude’s so old that he wears a cardigan to play tennis … every hippies dream come true, eh?

Holden got his break into the big time by playing the other end of the cougar spectrum by hooking up with Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard. That one ended up with him face-down in the pool, but Breezy’s not interested in anything that dramatic. She just wants a nice place to hang her poncho and maybe a nice apple every now and then. Later, Holden got mad as hell and wasn’t gonna take it anymore from those hippies in Network. But then he died … and they gave him an Oscar. Sound familiar?

Ok, back to the cougar thing. Aren’t we already sick of this whole phenomenon? Older, successful women hunting down young studs with no interest but a good workout. Clint’s been doing the reverse for years … but try to hook him up with a lady of a certain age, let’s say Geraldine Page, and he’d rather take a tumble down the stairs. So enough with the media frenzy, it’s nothing new … just look at Cher.

Breezy and Geezer take nice strolls on the beach. They go to see High Plains Drifter at the local Cineplex. Geezer starts lifting the medicine ball cuz he’s getting a bit saggy for such a young gal. That’s about the extent of the tension here … the old man can’t stand that the world just won’t accept his love for this flower child half his age. Damn you, world.

Lately, Clint’s directed a few movies in which he doesn’t appear, but early in his career it drove the movie companies bonkers that he wasn’t going to be in Breezy. They probably insisted that Clint at least put his picture on the poster. Clint was too young to play the lead, but he wanted to get that message out there … can’t we just be happy that these two star-crossed lovers found each other out there in this crazy world? Or at least until dementia sets in...

Living / Dining Room

Year of Eastwood #45

The Gauntlet (1977)

Starring: Eastwood, Sondra Locke
Directed by Eastwood

After the cluster of ho-hum crime dramas from the recent Clint films, it’s refreshing to break out of the funk with a tried and true action bust ‘em up from the vault of Clint‘s heyday. The year was 1977 … the country was just settling into the Jimmy Carter Presidency, Star Wars was breaking records at the box office, and the Laff Olympics were pitting the Scooby Doobies against the Yogi Yahooeys. And Clint was making movies with Sondra Locke.

Clint is a cop with attitude problems. Sondra is a wise-cracking witness to some mob crimes. Clint is a booze hound who has lost his way. Sondra is a high-price call girl with a heart of coal. And when they get together, the sparks fly. Nothing much new here, so we might as well shoot up as much stuff as we can. On three separate occasions, there’s enough gunfire for complete and total obliteration … be it a car or a bus or even a house. One time on Myth Busters, the dudes tried to debunk the belief that a machine gun could mow down a tree … let alone knock down an entire house.

Let’s see, what else? Hmm, Clint and Sandra fall in love - but I guess that’s to be expected. And the police chief that Clint trusted ends up double crossing him. Clint’s partner gets shot and killed. And the final climax, down the streets of Phoenix, pits Clint driving an armored bus against hundreds of Arizona cops lined up on the streets firing thousands of bullets at Clint (and each other?).

Clint’s career has basically come down to three successful phases: the Spaghetti Western (which led to many other successful westerns, culminating in Unforgiven), Dirty Harry (which led to a string of anti-hero cop-types, culminating in In the Line of Fire), and Play Misty for Me (which stretched Clint as a director in genres that were atypical of his usual style, culminating in Million $$$ Baby).

Of course, there’s been a multitude of ongoing Clint themes in this Year of Eastwood: the sneer, the young ladies, and Clint’s aversion to marriage. But the one element that can be found at the heart of almost every Clint film is redemption.

Clint’s characters are always flawed. His inability to follow authority. He drinks too much. He’s too old to change his ways. He’s just not a very good pig farmer. But during the course of the two hours that audiences sit in a darkened theatre being entertained with the ‘splosions and the orangutans - they are witness to Clint being transformed into a better person. Usually bloodied and beaten, but strong enough to prevail in the end.

Clint has never been the Tom Hanksy everyman or have the Jimmy Stewartish purity but he remains a likable spirit despite all of his downfalls … and in the end, crowds root for him to succeed. Clint has connected with the American public desire to be the good guy, the strong but silent type - who can be kicked down and dragged around, but can only stands it for so long … and then watch out when he comes out swinging.

So, even though he hooks up with Sondra in the end, Clint has regained his self respect after surviving the Gauntlet by proving everyone around him wrong who assumed he would be the weak link. And he did it to prove to himself that he could do it against all odds … plus it’s got a kick-ass poster (and I’m running out of clichés).

Year of Eastwood #44

True Crime (1999)

Starring: Eastwood

Directed by Eastwood

It’s hard to imagine that True Crime would break much new ground in the ongoing legacy that is the Eastwood canon. Clint is a washed up newspaper reporter, who’s nose for the truth has mislead him enough that usually he finds himself passed out drunk every night. But, wonder of all wonders, True Crime breaks new ground because the Clintster is a married man and even has a young daughter back home.

Not that it’s all marital bliss, Clint still chasing after the ladies - kissing on Mary McCormick before she does some driving under the influence and smashes her car on Dead Man’s Curve. And Clint’s banging Dennis Leary’s wife - who just happens to be his desk editor back at the Daily Planet ... So finally Clint has settled down but he don’t seem to be interested in spending much time with the old ball ‘n chain.

The (soon to be dead) Mary McCormick was assigned to interview a murderer on death row, but what with the aforementioned dirt nap, she couldn’t make her appointment so Clint has to fill in. But Clint’s nose starts tingling again and he soon has plans bigger than just the average human interest sidebar. Clint gets it into his head that this man is innocent but as editors in movies are apt to do, James Woods doesn’t want to hold up the deadline just cause Clint wants to save some guy’s life.

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Isaiah Washington - before he got himself into all sorts of trouble on Grey’s Anatomy - paces back and forth and acts all peaceful and stuff as the death row inmate. His young daughter colors him some pictures, he gets to snuggle a bit with his wife, and he enjoys a delicious final meal … all the while Clint is trying to solve the mystery of the dead girl at the convenience store. Whew, it’s hard to keep track of all the dead people in this movie.

Michael Jeter was the key witness, but it turns out he didn’t see much at all. There was another guy at the scene, but he’s dead and his grandma ain’t too interested in bringing back the bad memories. The gas chamber is all fired up and Clint decides to get drunk. But then a necklace blows the case wide open and Clint has to weave his way to the Governor’s mansion to stop the execution. So Clint saves the day, buys a stuffed hippo for his daughter, and asks Lucy Liu out on a date. Roll credits.

Obviously, Clint is able to spot young talent and established stars stand in line to appear in his latest picture. Despite being a huge star, he always makes room for other actor’s to have their moment. Clint learned early on in his Spaghetti Westerns that there is power in silence. He also knows that by allowing other actors to shine it means less lines for him to memorize.

Recently, Bill Murray talked about how much he's always admired Clint's style. Early on, Clint met with Bill just as his star was on the rise with movies like Meatballs and Stripes. Bill wanted to work with Clint because he knew he would get all the best lines. Clint suggested a few movies they could do together but none of them panned out … guess that's one cop buddy film that was never meant to be.

Year of Eastwood #43

Blood Work (2002)

Starring: Eastwood
Directed by Eastwood

Clint is in full old-man pants hiked up to the chest mode in Blood Work, a forgettable murder mystery from a few years ago which garnered attention from nearly no one when it was released. Clint seemed to settle into the old guy routine following Unforgiven, but that hasn’t stopped him from casting young ladies as his love interests. This time, the lady must be at least 30 years younger than Clint but that doesn’t stop her from jumping in bed with him even though he’s got her sister’s heart in his chest … oops, got ahead of myself there.

So Clint starts out the movie chasing down a serial killer thru the streets, probably jumping some rooftops and knocking over a few fruit stands … but when it comes time to scale the chain link gate that always seems to appear out of nowhere in these alleys - Clint’s ticker gives out. He crumbles to the ground and the killer gets away. A few months later, Clint’s got a replacement heart and he seems to be content doing chores around the pig farm.

But then little Miss Hottie Santa Maria Conchita de Marco shows up at his house boat and wants Clint to pay her back for her dead sister’s heart. I guess it’s pretty much a given that she was dead, seeing as though Clint’s got her heart. But not only is she dead, she was murdered. And now Clint feels like the least he can do is find the killer. Plus, he’s been craving some chili rellanos.

Now, it might seem logical that Clint could use some bed rest, what with the major surgery and all. Well not to worry, that’s what Angelica Huston is here for. As Clint’s doctor, she strongly recommends that Clint refrain from certain activities - like lifting boxes over 15 lbs or firing shotguns or taking asphalt dives to avoid speeding cars. But Clint isn’t going to let anything as frivolous as a rib separator stop him from getting the job done. Plus, he’s got the help of his buddy Big Lebowski to drive him around town like Miss Daisy.

The cops don’t want Clint’s help in solving the murder. In what may be the singular worst performance in this Year of Eastwood, Paul Rodriguez cracks some crappy one-liners and nearly gets into fisticuffs with Clint … the man just had a heart transplant and you’re gonna punch him? But Clint doesn’t need any help from the cops, he can find all the information he needs on the internets. Clint using a computer. Well, [Cntrl Alt Del // !!] . The old man is still wondering where his diet cola is after hitting the Tab button. (I got that joke from the Simpsons.)

Turns out, the sister was one of a string of random murders which is maybe not so random after all. The victims all have the same blood type as (gasp) Clint - and the murders were all planned to provide Clint with a viable donor heart. But who would do such a thing? How about the slacker staying in the house boat next to Clint? How about Angelica Huston who seems to have absolutely no other reason for being in this movie?

It’s a tough day when you have to take the car keys away from grandpa. But Clint was reaching an age where it might lead some to conclude that the master was losing his edge. Blood Work surely did nothing to convince these critics otherwise … but Clint was just about to regain his stride in the next few years with Mystic River and Million $$ Baby and I’m sure that new Angelina Jolie movie is finally gonna get some attention for that lady which she’s been lacking so much of lately.

Year of Eastwood #42

Absolute Power (1997)

Starring: Eastwood, Gene Hackman
Directed by Eastwood

It’s getting down to the wire here. Ten Clint masterpieces to go. Actually, it’s been a bit of a scramble to come up with the final entries in Year of Eastwood … a fact which will be transparently clear as the next few entries are posted. This will clear the way for the big bang at the end. For now we’ll have to do with a few leftovers and a chunk of Clint films in the late nineties that really struggle to distinguish themselves from one another. Thus it begins with Absolute Power.

Clint is a masterful cat-burglar. OK, so he somehow got caught once and spent some time in the joint which cost him his marriage and strained his relationship with his daughter. In an odd twist, Clint now has full-grown, adult children in the form of Laura Linney. But she won’t talk to him so he spends his time planning for his next big heist - a billionaire fat cat in the world of finance and politics. He studies the blueprints. He breaks down the security system. And he waits for the family’s annual trip to Disney World.

He’s in the house. He’s broken into the secret vault hidden away behind a two-way mirror in the bedroom. But suddenly and without warning, Mrs. Moneybags returns home, but she’s not alone. No, she’s skipped the family vacation to meet up with her lover. Seems like Mrs. Moneybags likes things rough in the bedroom. Clint can only sit by and watch things unfold thru the mirror. Then things get out of hand. Mrs. Moneybags grabs a letter opener from the nightstand and is just about to kill her lover … when Bang! The Secret Service rush in and shoot her in the head.

What?? Turns out the other man is none other than the President of the United States. Things get pretty silly from here … the President’s Chief of Staff (who for some reason is at the house with the President and his lover) decides to cover up the murder and stage the whole thing as a robbery gone bad. This eventually leads the police to Clint. He’s really in between a rock and a hard place this time, but Clint has a trick up his sleeve … or at least the letter opener with fingerprints and blood all over it.

The police (namely Ed Harris who’s got the hots for Clint’s daughter) convince Laura to set up a meeting with Clint so they can safely take him into custody. The Secret Service have a different plan as they send a guy (the Good Hands from Allstate guy) to shoot Clint with a high powered rifle. Just to add more suspense, Mr. Moneybags hires a guy to show up at the same meeting spot with his own high powered rifle. Clint high tails it outta there.

There’s lots of holes in this script and plenty of stuff that just don’t make a whole lotta sense. Besides the outrageous lengths to protect a slimy president. The film seems to jump back and forth between scenes where one moment people are trying to kill Clint to the next they just throw him some dirty looks. Gene Hackman is wasted in his role as the President. It’s a role that could have been played by any number of actors and Gene seems to do little to give it his own spin. I guess it really shows Clint’s pull in show business that he can get so many talent stars to appear in such a silly movie.

Year of Eastwood #41

Where Eagles Dare (1968)

Starring: Richard Burton, Eastwood
Directed by Brian Hutton

Now for a rarity in Eastwood’s career … a movie where Clint doesn’t receive top billing. Sir Richard Burton (from Englund) is the star of Where Eagles Dare. A WWII espionage thriller with so much double crossing going on that by the end of the film, everybody’s paranoid. Clint’s really along for the ride in this one - but on the plus side, he gets to kill more people than probably any other film he’s made.

An American General has been captured by the Germans, and a rag-tag team of commandos is instructed to sneak into the German headquarters and rescue the American. The prisoner is being held in a fortress high in the Alps, where eagles dare not perch (Shakespeare).

The team of 7 operatives parachutes down into the snowy Bavarian town. Among the team is the leader (Burton) and a marksman (Clint) ... A moment of silence for the guy who didn’t survive the jump from the plane. So the mission’s barely started and already we’re down to 6 operatives. The men hide out in a cabin, warm up with some hot Cocoa, and prepare to sneak into town bright and early the next day.

The team makes their way into town, disguised as German soldiers (Clint‘s got a nice tan for a German). Since it’s Germany, the guys end up in a Bierhaus. Burton gets drunk, makes out with a couple of women, and another operative gets killed … silence … now we’re down to 5. That’s a more comfortable number to deal with anyways. It’s hard to keep track of all those people when the only recognizable ones are Burton and Clint.

Up on the mountaintop (via a long cable car ride) - all the usual Germans are assembled … the Nazis, Gestapo, and Secret Service. Burton and Clint ditch the cable car and decide a real man would climb up the side of the castle instead of taking the stairs. If you find it hard to believe that a group of soldiers could sneak their way inside Nazi Germany … wait till you see Boozer McTipsy rock climb that sucker.

But wait a second, turns out the prisoner is just an actor pretending to be the American general. And the whole mission is a double cross to rat out some British spies. Burton convinces those Germans that he’s the spy - but it turns out those other 3 guys on the team are actually the traitors.

Then all hell breaks lose. Clint blows up a lot of stuff, kills more Germans than you can shake a stick at … and they make their way back to the cable car. A couple of the spies battle Burton atop the cable car. Good thing he was drunk or he probably would have been a little scared, but he jumps across to the passing-by car and the bad guys go boom.

After all this, the guys still need to make their way out of Germany. Good thing one of the women Burton was making out with arranges them a ride. But those pesky Germans are still in pursuit. I’ve seen enough Clint movies by now that the best way to escape is blow up that damn bridge - so they make it to the airstrip, crash into a few planes, and are rescued by the British army. Clint could use a good night’s rest after this one…

Year of Eastwood #40

the Beguiled (1971)

Starring: Eastwood, Geraldine Page
Directed by Don Siegel

Early in his career, Clint developed his own production company - the Malpaso Company - to allow him to have more creative control of the movies he starred in. Malpaso, which is named for a creek located near Clint’s home in Carmel California, has been associated with most of Clint’s films since it’s inception with Hang ‘Em High. Malpaso is also Spanish for misstep which Clint felt would be an appropriate name for his company since he was warned that starring in Spaghetti Westerns would be a bad move in his career.

Clint also produced a few films thru United Artists which allowed many of Hollywood’s biggest stars - including Paul Newman, Barbra Streisand, and Woody Allen - to have more control ... and also to reap more of the financial benefits of the blockbusters they worked on instead of most of the money going to the studios which had been the case during Hollywood’s golden years in the 1930s and 40s. Recently, when Tom Cruise (couch-jumper) was released from his contract with Paramount, he resurrected United Artists with the hopes of saving his own career as well.

With this creative freedom to produce the films he wanted to do, I’m sure Clint did back flips when he saw the script for Beguiled. The story begins as Clint, an injured Union soldier, is rescued by a Southern girl and taken back to the plantation which just happens to be filled with young, nubile hotties being taught all the etiquette and manners of being a fine, upstanding Southern lady. The school is operated by a strict matron played by Geraldine Page, who via flashbacks seems to spend a bit too much time rolling around in the grass with her brother. The girls, who haven’t seen a man in several years, are willing to put aside the fact that Clint plays for the other team and begin scheming against one another for the chance to jump around on Clint’s bed.

Geraldine has ideas of her own for Clint. As she nurses him back to health, she begins to weave her own web to catch herself a man to help her with the farming since her beloved brother probably won’t be coming home any time soon. Clint pulls some story out of his ass about being a Quaker medic in the Army, while we see scenes of him shooting men in the back and doing his best to burn down as much of the South as he can. He tells Geraldine he would like to plow her fields. He tells one of the lonely, young school teacher that he loves her. And he tells a busty young student to practice her stretching exercises.

Every one seems blissful with all the deception, until the night Clint must decide which lady’s room to make a special visit to: the old, cranky brother-lover, the marmy book worm, or the PYT. Clint, of course, chooses the hot thing and the school teacher pushes him down the stairs and Geraldine cuts off his … leg. Now Clint is pissed, but there ain’t much he can do because, you know, he ain’t got no leg. So he drinks too much wine, gets mouthy at the dinner table and ends up throwing the little girl’s pet turtle across the room. That crosses the line and for dinner the little girl feeds Clint some poison mushrooms and next stop for Clint is the big dirt nap.

It really is a rarity for Clint to end up dead at the end of any of his movies. Since I already ruined that Spoiler, I might as well say that Honkytonk Man is the only other Clint movie where he ends up dead. Beguiled is unique among Clint movies in other ways as well. Clint is hobbled for most of the movie so it’s easily got the least amount of action of any of his films, but he still manages to beat the crap out of a couple of guys with his crutches. The film relies more on the complex mind games and lies … and Clint considers it one of his best films.