Year of Eastwood #23

Coogan's Bluff (1968)

Starring: Eastwood
Directed by Don Siegel

Hey skirt-chasers … Do you find yourself in a strange, new town and want to know the best ways to meet the ladies? In your own element, you got no problems getting action, what with your rugged good looks, fancy cowboy hat, and pointy boots. The ladies seem to moan and swoon when you walk in the room. But in the big city, those honeys are more sophistimicated and you can’t seem to get your groove on - almost like, I dunno, you’re some kind of fish out of water. Well fellers, hang on to your 10 gallons, cuz have I got a deal for you…

Clint’s Guide on How to Pick Up Chicks while Chasing Down a Felon in NYC:

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1. When meeting a sweet, professional dame, suggesting a home-made spaghetti dinner is a must. That way while she’s in the kitchen doing her thing, you have plenty of time to search thru her files to find the information you need.

2. Practice your conversation skills. It’s important to develop your own style, but staples like “Nobody calls me Mister with my boots off.” never fail.

3. Not sure if that $3 whore wants to take off your pants or take your wallet? Give her a good boot in the ass - she’s a dime a dozen in this city.

4. Meet a nice hippie chick concerned about a little green worm squirming around in her head … nothing that a good 10 minutes of hardcore pounding won’t cure.

5. Got a crazy babe knocking at your door because you’ve been screwing aforementioned hippies - tell her it’s 4:00 in the morning and you’ve got work to do in the morning … she’ll be back.

6. Got a little sweetie in your office you want to get to know better? Just grab her boob. What’s she gonna do about it anyways? Sexual harassment, that’s for ugly people. Besides, you know she wants it.

7. Don’t be afraid to show her your sensitive side. Throw her down on the couch … extra points for distance. Let her know you abhor violence against women. Punch a hole in that wall instead of cracking her in her pretty, little face.

8. A woman’s gotta know her place. If you’ve explained to her that it’s over, and she still cuts up your housekeeper and comes after you with a knife, it’s okay to punch her off a cliff (sorry, that’s an important lesson from a different movie).

9. Show your lady that you’re a big spender. She’ll be impressed by the little things like if you tip a cab driver a nickel or if you’re staying at a swanky $7 a night hotel.

10. Chicks dig the squint.